Break into Edinburgh Apartments

Here’s the definitive guide on how to scrape together the deposit for your Edinburgh des res (warning: not all of these suggestions are to be taken seriously)...

photo from http://flickr.com/photos/gjwalberg/2485529744/sizes/s/

• Selling your children (or other people's if you can get your hands on them) on ebay - gives a whole new meaning to 'watching the kids'. Postage charges to mail kids from Edinburgh may be substantial. Alternatively, get everyone in your household to make some contribution, whether that’s taking sandwiches for lunch or getting a paper round
• Only eat when someone else buys the food (innovative diet and way of saving money - everyone's a winner) so you don’t blow your money at Edinburgh’s lovely Valvolla and Crolla on cheese... Think of this as a hybrid between Gillian McKeith and Dragon’s Den
• Dodgy insurance claim - this one might involve you losing a body part though (how much do you want that house and how much faith do you have in Edinburgh’s Royal Infirmary)
• Selling parts of your body on the internet, better if it’s not some alcohol-riddled liver that’s been living in Edinburgh’s Sighthill perhaps. Or acting as a surrogate mother (latter not open to men)
• Find yourself someone rich. And naïve. Who you happen to be irresistibly attracted to for some reason. Even better if it’s a childhood sweetheart who’s now made good, like Britney Spears. Get married in Edinburgh Castle then pop down to the Law Courts for a quickie divorce – conveniently in Edinburgh, they’re both on the Royal Mile.

No, the credit crunch is not some bizarre breakfast cereal that we eat up here in Edinburgh. With prices rising along with mortgage interest rates as Edinburgh’s property market stays crazily buoyant, first time buyers need to put down at least 10% deposit on their new Edinburgh homes. What do you think - any more ideas?

• 20 Aug 2008
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